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For Years

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the story

My cup of tea – it’s what I called him. Giving me everything, even things I didn’t need; this was a light that wasn’t dim!

He disguised himself as my world; behind the lights was a dark side. Taking my love, believing I’m his girl – the experience always come by surprise. All while seeing the signs.

This man though – he was a provider – Yet, the only thing he paid was his mind! It was getting tired.

I find myself paying in different ways; giving up lavish intimacy guessing it was ok, trust me – the answer wasn’t the sex! I always end up feeling regret… 

You can rock my world all you want, but for years,  You still say you can’t – when you won’t! I really grieved many tears!  

Portraying a certain man not realizing it at first; he was something almost like a chameleon; blending in and sneaking… this became an uneasy feeling   

All these years playing this game, thinking I wouldn’t put this up; like my life would bring him fame, sacrificing me, like I’m a naïve pup!

Confessing when he was caught; removing myself from my own domain, as if I didn’t realize the plot. Making a point that I will not be used in vain…

Moving forward, for years, it felt like a waste. Loyalty wasn’t even at the top of his tier. Yet, I learned a lot with haste   

This man I was loyal to, who behind closed doors –  Which became no news,  was treacherous! Making love become obstreperous – In other words, stubbornly defiant. Making his loyalty look as small as a penny to a giant.   

No longer being the man I seen as honorable and full of love, to a poisoned weed swelling of pain –  That bleed sorrow and thereof… 

a Two Part[er]*

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wondering what will come next; just the recognition and reward would feel best.

the satisfaction of making a name for me, would be very appreciating!

soon these markings will be a treasure; royalties gained by it, the weight will not be able to measure – not even a bit!

I’m getting tired, but I will not stop unless the reason is dyer.

keep going, I tell myself almost everyday! any other advice would be useless to say.

the level I am at, needs a continuous push to keep my drive!

only then will I move my encouragement to the next step to survive…

no Subjected reason*

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Bursts of thoughts, that never had intentions to be sought. It’s cute when you know what it is you need to do, when to submit and when to subdue, anyone or any issue. My mind is going and going, like the how the energizer bunny be rolling,

The intensity of my supposition is a rush of so many intensions. Good ones though, nothing resulting in malice,  but with love, care, and compassion. I can be so affectionate, people know that about me, especially if you’re my sweetie! Off subject, but just making a point, or example if you may,

I’m laying it down and just getting heavy today! I only want you to see what my vision is, it’s a beautiful sight, of things manifested through my strength and my might. Even though I’m in the storm, I have my umbrella and my trench coat to keep me warm. The Lord is my shield and protector, hence the outerwear for the weather. I don’t want to dig to deep down in there with my metaphors,

I’m ripping these band aids off even with the sores! Because what’s done is done, you’ve already been hit, there’s no point in it to run. I’m now fighting back, throwing this knowledge, no need for a gun. My intellect is my ammo, my thought process is the chamber, and my tongue is the trigger. I have no time to entertain foolishness, when I could be counting figures. The revenue I deserve, for all the hard work I do, because my purpose is to serve.

My heart is pure; always coming from a good space of energy, though, it can get dark when life sends mindless stupidity; that evolves into a test that I should’ve passed easily. Again, I’ll learn, same lesson, different scenario; I’m going take it all, apply it, and learn not to go there anymore and to let it go…. 

Forever Mine*

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The way we connect, has a kind of intellect that cannot be explained. The beauty is in a way, where our knowledge hasn’t been discovered yet – it’s still in the brain.  

Our closeness, can sometimes spring up certain emotions – we work through them – the way we reciprocate our likeness for each other, isn’t plenty in most men.  

There’s adventures that we find ourselves on; by the end of the day, we’re asking where the time gone!  

We look at each with bliss, and nothing to say.  

As a woman, I do get a bit demanding; I want for attention, and sometimes it’s hard to hide it – to make sure I’m not dating a phantom. I can get a little excited.  

Very involved in our future, as it is one; seeing that I’ve been planning on success since our partnership begun.  

Looking at the past different now; because separation has a different defined sound. Work is in progress- the same as ourselves- viewing lifestyle in a way of success; promoting myself through life never had any bounds.  

Just like every kind of relationship, it leaves certain prints on your heart; I wonder what ours will be, how will our blank canvas look once it’s made into art? 

to Fantasize*

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He loves to kiss on my neck  

Rubs me down with warm truth  

That makes us connect 

To an outer body experience, like a muse 

A spiritual muse, that makes moment like this  

Stop; time stopped for us, I don’t know what to do 

But the universe really stopped time  

Just for us to shine, this is very different very new 

Not sure what this mean; but if this is love 

I still wouldn’t know what to think  

Discombobulated

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a lot has piled up

I don’t need any luck

for a blessing to finance

putting worth into me

so one day I will see

I’m no longer an amateur

I will see the finish line first

she is a Victorian

me, I am the historian

I will fly again

I will fall, then learn

knowledge, is power I’ll always yearn

in future, I’ll be someone discerned

a wealthy mental state

evolving all persons into one face

always with joy

not allowing my life to a be played like a toy

I am mighty, even if I’m not a boy

surpassing generational curses

making its profit overflow my within my purse

I am solid

making my own way, dipping into no one’s wallet

Plan A

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talking about all things amazing, making life for me more entertaining. creating a new ozone with a better view of a team. that are truly about submitting and manifesting their dreams, just like me.

though what I’m saying most times sounds repetitive; my argument in it, is honestly relative. I’m on only my race and with myself, I wouldn’t think to let my heart and my mind become competitive.

timing down different tempos; seeing what other volumes I can go. without moving too fast or slow. I am doing things the way my heart was guided to do. when loyalty starts there, more faith begins to produce.

there are times I am cold, then hot; depending on the opportunity I got. I’m not the type to express certain things on the spot. I like to observe, and research before thinking I can stir the pot.

flutters*

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in word form*

if it was meant to be said, then I’ll remember. something I’ve always told myself, so I would never feel hindered.

I say this because I just don’t spit it out. things I should speak on, is so hard to say aloud. not that I should anyway, but I am not proud.

I have to vow to myself this; speak your mind woman! no one’s opinion should stop it! be you – be me, I mean; I’m tired of looking like it seem. look at me and believe. truly, I am in a weird space; today this is somethin I have to face.

when words are spoken, they cannot be taken back. everything that come out my mouth, must always be fact. being a listening ear can be a beautiful thing – when there’s one listening in return – the things we decide to take in is what you learn.