Cogitation *

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I've been in and out with writing in my book, then writing in this notebook. 
I really am enjoying the liberation that's manifesting in my life; I couldn’t have asked for a better breakthrough to receive. Going through the things I have going on is definitely a lot, knowing my circumstances, still, I keep smiling and laughing; making other people a priority to shadow the fact that I'm hurting in ways, I could never explain. Being myself has it's challenges; when you're supposed to be the one that brightens up the room, and make everyone's day with a smile so infectious, others can't help but share one back. Somedays I yearn to wear a frown, and not to be mean but to relax muscles that I have no desire to exercise, in those moments. Why is that not ok? I need breaks too. Without leaning towards complaining, I do my best to express my personal concerns about things I feel should and shouldn't happen and I move forward; at least that's what the outcome should be without any backlash, judgments, or gossip. People love to talk about you, just as much as they did with Jesus too.  

Falling in love with myself, wanting someone to share it with me,   Eartha Kitt said, and boy was she on to something!!  No reason at all for this, but I wanted to create a fantasy,  To create an environment of bliss, and tranquility!  Live within me, mold yourself around me my knight,  Give me the security you know I need, make this right!  Love me, be in love with me, support me, and encourage me. 

Tell me I am beautiful, even though I knew it already.  You want me to breakdown immensely;  With the gushiness of my vulnerable heart,  So you can say I was going to fold from the start…  Not going to happen, you know, I always go back to that,  He think he’s slick, but I’m putting this back in the sack   Had to rhyme that out like cat in the hat.. So you won’t have an idea  Of what I’m really saying, but I’m winning this check my stats.  Never lost a mental game, I’m always on ten toes,  

Even when I’m tilting, because I know people can go from doves to crows….  I have faith in you, more like spiritual hope, of what you’ll be to me  Loving my vibrations and energy doesn’t mean you may want eternity.. 

Although, I don’t feel that from him, and it’s relieving.  I just don’t want to be wrong again,   because this could definitely be deceiving.. 

  Hope not….No pressure though… 

Having bursts of thoughts, that never had intentions to be sought. It’s cute when you know what it is you need to do, when to submit and when to subdue, anyone or any issue.

My mind is going and going, like the how the energizer bunny be rolling, the intensity of my supposition is a rush of so many intensions. Good ones though, nothing resulting in malice,  but with love, care, and compassion. I can be so affectionate, people know that about me, especially if you’re my sweetie!

Off subject, but just making a point, or example if you may, I’m laying it down and just getting heavy today! I only want you to see what my vision is, it’s a beautiful sight, of things manifested through my strength and my might. Even though I’m in the storm, I have my umbrella and my trench coat to keep me warm.

The Lord is my shield and protector, hence the outerwear for the weather. I don’t want to dig to deep down in there with my metaphors, but I’m ripping these band aids off even with the sores! Because what’s done is done, you’ve already been hit, there’s no point in it to run. I’m now fighting back, throwing this knowledge, no need for a gun.

My intellect is my ammo, my thought process is the chamber, and my tongue is the trigger. I have no time to entertain foolishness, when I could be counting figures. The revenue I deserve, for all the hard work I do, because my purpose is to serve.

My heart is pure; always coming from a good space of energy, though, it can get dark when life sends mindless stupidity; that evolves into a test that I should’ve passed easily.

Again, I’ll learn, same lesson, different scenario; I’m going take it all, apply it, and learn not to go there anymore and to let it go…. 

Parallel Reality*

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It’s amazing how I find my peace; the road isn’t difficult, but it also isn’t neat. Many roads will feel confusing; It may appear disorganized, but every journey can include many obstacles.

Brief

I’m in love and the reciprocity is fulfilling; This is the one team than only needs two – not a club. I feel like one million bucks; my worries has slowly depleted- he prioritizes me within his life; everything about his actions show I’m wanted AND needed. What a blessing to know this wasn’t luck..

Nothing in this world could fill the void of true unconditional love and empathy; carrying on a burden knowing it isn’t his – In this relationship I’m learning more and more how to genuinely be submissive…

A Delightful Thing to Say*

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Be nice.

There’re so many things to be grateful for; I am blessed to have walked through many doors; gathering knowledge for fun; playing around with the matrix, because I am the one!

Sanctioned to my morality; adjusting my vision to see a more profound reality; I’ve vowed many times to be humble with a disciplined formality.

The need to be successful has passed me; loitering who I am, because I’ve noticed how much I’m flourishing!

I am steadfast about what there is to come; this is only the beginning of what has already begun.

Part two*

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Auto-pilot sounds- soothing. The chips will inevitably fall how they should. Taking more careful and steady steps – I’m moving. There’s been a shift in the atmosphere, but it didn’t affect the mood. I am forgiving. Laughter is everywhere I am – how ambitious! Yearning to be used for the next blessing – How resilient! I believe patience is a virtue and this moment isn’t finished…

Affirmative and Secure*

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(8)

My life is organized, not systematic; I don’t frequent the same routine, it’s an unwanted habit. I am not invisible, though my privacy is sacred. I want the choice to be alone without it being portrayed as hatred. I ask for minimum yet even that is reduced to mediocre; seeing dead ends, to me, is a sign that I’m getting closer.

Fifty-8*

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He tried to give me the world, but I’m from another planet…

Belle Haven

I’ve been living a Sarah-Jessica Parker life; Only thinking of myself because I’ve made many sacrifices – especially for the thought of being loved.

I’ve had my share of paying the price; It’s my time to charge my worth – most have access and it was undeserved; I question myself about it everyday – weighing the outcomes of one decision.

Changing and shifting the atmosphere in order to find the good in this place; the motive was viscous – stay with me; we have vaccines and cures for everything but fear; No wonder most like myself seem to disappear.

Potomac River*

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It’s cool out, but not enough to shiver; Promises were made as I looked into the mirror; It’s peculiar how others will never see what I see in her. It’s more than financial or a figure – but my mind – it holds many detailed narratives that could paint a vivid picture; every thought there is defined.

Nothing’s what it seem; I’ve heard this before. However, is possible that this saying pertained to reality and not my dreams?

Idolizing the True God*

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Giving Thanks is All*

Constantly, I am all over the place; my intentions will keep my son and I complete and safe. Only God can move the mountains I’ve tried to climb; although we become impatient, God still reward us with the blessing of perfection; He empathized while taking his Holy time. Can anybody besides myself see his mercy and grace? There’re moments where I feel the Holy Spirit all over the place – just like me! It saddens me that they’re those who don’t realize we were created in his image; Never has He forsaken his children – Therefore, we must declare our Exodus.

Part One*

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There’s a Lot on My Chest

I am releasing as much as I can before there’s an explosion; normally I’m able to somewhat hide it, yet, behind the mask, everything is imploding! Silence isn’t a characteristic that I wear; truth be told, it’s the worst weapon I have – I swear.

To believe that validation is the way to righteousness, is naive foolishness; have I gone mad? Did my imagination finally win the war in this? Constantly, I am encouraging myself to dwell in another space; all my heart have for this world, is to blow up this place!

We all try hard to be nice – awareness is there. However, there are times where I am at the end of my limit; where my safe place vanishes, allowing the evil of this world to see my true face; in this moment all hope diminishes.

At this point I’m pouring my heart out as if I’m a flowing river; feeling the cool from the tide reminds me of the judgment – it makes me quiver. Terrified, because I’ve only possessed one soul; with the wisdom I have, came with time as I became older – which is why I’m puzzled as to why I’m treated so cold.

Despite the circumstances, I will continue to move forward, even after I’m feeling better; lightening my load until my shoulders are as light as a feather!

Preserving my spirit with affirmations of love, peace, kindness, mercy, and grace; I’m learning to take a step back – allowing my knowledge to make genuine impact; This is the right time and place.

Appropriating my cognition to focus on life from a different realm; I’m going outside of the box while staying in the lines without being overwhelmed. All the destruction of bad thoughts has created is showing outwardly now – charades eventually are removed, the perfect mask has evolved to the face of a clown.

Depleting ill intentions, simply because I’d rather have my morality and respect. For the way we treat each other can really have an affect; loyalty can often expire – the excitement in what we don’t know is what our flesh really desires.

Facing these fears has been top priority; rising above the thought of potential defeat – the enemy will never have the victory! The peace I’m beginning to have is so strong, that the vibrations of it can almost be seen…