Rendezvous *

Churning the yolk of this relationship; 

Mentally spiraling about the whole bit 

Never felt so deeply about something – 

Grabbing ahold of a serious reality, 

That could be possible; patience is a vitality 

I don’t want this to be an “oh nothing” 

Im indulging too much I guess 

Getting to close; making me depressed 

Just a little only because this is the first time  

I’ve been impressed.. 

sore*

The things I surrender myself to will not be this world no longer, literally had to have everything stripped away from me – Now look at me. Everything was taken away rigorously, the anguish of it all felt back to back; with no one to turn to, talk to, or run to but with the exception of the Lord! He’s who I’ve always needed, and I forgot that apparently. I start looking toward man to be the savior of my inequities, when I should’ve humbled myself and bowed down to the father.  

I am in that place now, just another lesson that needed to be learned for me to understand nothing can be done without him. That wisdom, or intuition you feel within your spirit isn’t just any voice, take the time to meditate to listen so you can hear the warning too and not just with your ears. Your consciousness and intuition and the [precious] gift of common sense, was given to us by the Lord to utilize for the best of ability to live life abundantly. These gifts are only useful or powerful when you allow him to order your steps in the decisions needed for yourself. 

It always seem like crazy talk until you have nothing left, it really feels crazy when you have nothing to give as well. A crimpling feeling I wish on no one honestly. I don’t care anymore about the things said about me, those words spoken about me in my face or behind my back will always come back on you tenfold! I’m covered by the blood, and that’s real.  

Precisely quoted by my one of my favorite singers, “God knows it, Your mind impure, soul I possess, he knows it, Anointed and protected, I was chosen…” 

An example of taking what I need and leaving what I don’t, everything was meant to be treated like such saying as though life should be treated like that with worldly things anyhow. Everything below heaven isn’t always right so why would I listen to every single thing said to me.  

As I go on about it as a matter of fact, it seem like I need to just make better choices on what I take and what I leave; the way I’m choosing could possibly be ass backwards ha-ha ah man! Now that’s a brain teaser!  

Story Time…

The will to conquer is the beginning of the victory

~Europa, Ki Wi

Being Thought About.. What if it was true? 

Getting a little technical about that statement. Everyday, it really doesn’t matter who it is I’m thinking it could be; all I know is I wonder, “I wonder if they’re thinking about me?” Sounds like where I was going at – sounds like a passionate little rap. Moving forward, worrying about what the next person feels about me isn’t anything I care to put focus towards. I mean at this moment, I am creating my thoughts with letters put together, and it’s easy, I always own it! Keep pushing me, say what I thought you said anyway, go ahead, lie to me, and be a fake homie. The truth always comes to light, you can stay in that dark alley, I’ll just simple smile then, I heard it’s very bright. Kill them with kindness, it use to make sense, but now, to me, there’s no other saying like it. Being who I am is what people practice to be, I was blessed with this gift, so it’s a little more easy to me! Does this make you think about she? I mean me, I’m getting beside myself, but that’s only for me to agree! I’m in awe at the fact that people even take the time to paint me negatively; learning that once you spend time with me, that anything negative from me would be an impossibility. I laugh, no matter how I feel, I laugh. The best dose of a healthy starts begin with that, there’s no science behind it, it’s simple, no grids, no graphs. I wouldn’t think twice if that was the only choice I had. People and their thoughts with no common sense behind it, always have a point of view or opinion about who you are and how you feel, resulting in them looking and sounding a bit mindless. I know it’s someone out there that know what I am saying is really real! 

Brooding – engaged in; showing deep thought about something that makes one sad or worried.

~ Meriam-Webster

I would never give credit to man for what God had already written over my life. What I will do, is be grateful for the right vessel and spirits that surrounded me when my true gift was brought to the forefront. Inspirations if you may. I do know that I’m happy in this place and the journey has only begun. The greatness the Lord has in store for me – even I won’t be able to fathom the abundance when it comes! I’m patient and very excited all at once. This is an exhilarating feeling, or energy – what may be the best way to describe this vibration. Sounding as if I’m saying nothing at all, and that’s actually saying a lot. Your actions are verbal as well, don’t keep your mouth shut and still show me your moves like I don’t have more than sight – but vision. Randomly as I write this, compromise happens to come to mind after hearing the how it was used in a deliberation of what a woman should be for anyone else but herself. Compromise is impossible when you’re only being yourself, and how do you not be yourself? That’s so much energy wasted – people do this on their own too. What I wonder though is, if someone was to tell you, “hey! Don’t be yourself be something else, because if you want me in your life that’s the compromise you have to make!” Like what! [chuckles very loud] Outrageous – oh how the human behavior can be. 

ventilation*

Having more than sight is a totality living in this world, in this I don’t intend to rhyme because it isn’t something to play with; it’s just in me to say I  really don’t want to take the time out to think about what goes with what word – you know. I know for myself, personally if It’s meant to come out that way, so be it. I paint pictures for you to truly understand the shoes I fill; it may seem mediocre to the next person, looking at only the quality or the condition of its shell, but I stand in the rawness that’s living on the inside. You truly don’t know; this is fine though, this isn’t your obligation. Your main priority is to deal with you; be for you first. Being last hasn’t really shown it’s  best rewards, it’s almost giving the blessing God intended for you – to someone else.

That’s almost regifting something that was and is priceless, authentic, personalized just for you. How is that fair for you? You is really I, who happens to be me. Something I had to give up was my weakness to guilt; allowing people that should care about me, take full advantage for self-perseverance purposes. Shaking my head in real life – how can a pure heart do that; It doesn’t. Giving isn’t always good nor healthy; decisions are purposeful. The same way I may be picky with my food or even my men; why not be this way about my whole life. This seem to be the best way to live if I don’t just want to exist. Can I get a witness If you agree! Been waiting for this moment, to be free like this in the “comfort” of my own home. Bunny ears because being home isn’t always comfortable – I mean can I be real right now huh?  Just wanting to put it all out there doesn’t feel like such a bad idea depending on the choice of conversation.

Topics would be the formal word for those that laugh at the face of my format. Not realizing it was a poker face or cover page – you understand? No? Ok – check it, I mostly talk how I write, and it’s somewhat professional with a splash of hoodlum ha-ha! ultimately I call it just being me. People still look at me like a circus act though, and it’s cool. The joke is on them when they see how business is really handled. Then the respect is abundant. I’ll be clear, may I add – I don’t force it, if you love it, great. If you don’t, there’s always doors to walk through. The same way you walked in, you can walk out.

commence*

Life as we know it, is so precious; we forget to think about things like that. Seeing my growth before my eyes in certain areas is really a humbling feeling. Thank God for time and chance; with each day I’m blessed with an opportunity to learn from my mistakes I made yesterday, and try again – hence, another chance.

The saying is you only have one life to live; in my opinion, I believe each day The Lord bless’ us with another is another advantage at life and so far the Lord been waking me up for 28 years and counting! I have many flaws, yet I’m very ok with that; I’m saying Hallelujah anyhow! Why? I say this because it is well; even with what “looks” like a low time in my life, there’s light at the end of this storm – sunshine if you want to get technical.

See, when you find yourself in a place where your faith begins to evolve in the unconscious mind and heart, you no longer look at what’s in front of you. I have vision, not just sight – a vision has no obligation to look back, but what’s in front of me, and beyond – just sitting here composing this passage, gives me more correspondence to what going on in a whole – everything is connected. I’m blessed to have an avenue where I am able to have this kind of breakthrough at the age I am.

God is so good, and his grace and mercy never stops! Knowing what I know now, the only thing I would take back are the moments where I should’ve just took a moment, and tell myself STOP. Yet, I am deeply grateful that I went through the things I did; painful and scaring moments, became healed wounds for a testimony and growth in my life as the woman I am to this day. I pray to myself everyday, that pass the flesh I’m in, he is still pleased with my heart.  

bridge*

Walking by faith is the most healthiest thing you can do. Faith is when you allow the Lord to take over all milestones in your life – good or bad.

Simple, YET it can be so complicated, and this can be said from experience. Whether it seem like I’m babbling or not, this was in my spirit to put down. Life is so hard, having front row seats to that can bring a lot of emotions and feelings that are sometimes unexplained.

Things unknown are mostly for the best in my opinion. As bad as I would like to know every single thing, I’ve realized that it’s better not to know all the time. Doors that can regrettably be open are the hardest ones to close back.  

unto me*

I am positioning my thoughts on paper, exploring my mind with help from my savior…

there’s a specific mentality I want to maintain, doing my best not to make the same mistakes again…

overwhelmed by the lack of faith, but doing above and beyond for my peace sake – no more, will I walk eggshells as if my life is at stake; the spiritual things I’m sensing will eventually take it’s rightful place…

3125*

I must watch my back

and be focused on permanent achievements, that is only supported with facts

jumping over the walls of fear

I’m a faithful one, I am everything I say I am – I’m just making it clear –

I’m subjected to a place of empathy

it’s a fulfilling moment that never leave me feeling empty

molding one’s life can be a strenuous journey

but be strong, even when it feels like an eternity

this is your time….

glossitis*

feeling every second of this moment I’m in

getting crazy, without being the fool again

I’m running things now

no more stepping over me or pushing me around

artistic in every way

I’ve always been a fan of, “saying it to your face”

protecting every part of my being

nevermore will one be allowed to be deceiving

without the glue [me], how can you fix every piece?

the doubt in my heart has definitely decreased…