ventilation*

Having more than sight is a totality living in this world, in this I don’t intend to rhyme because it isn’t something to play with; it’s just in me to say I  really don’t want to take the time out to think about what goes with what word – you know. I know for myself, personally if It’s meant to come out that way, so be it. I paint pictures for you to truly understand the shoes I fill; it may seem mediocre to the next person, looking at only the quality or the condition of its shell, but I stand in the rawness that’s living on the inside. You truly don’t know; this is fine though, this isn’t your obligation. Your main priority is to deal with you; be for you first. Being last hasn’t really shown it’s  best rewards, it’s almost giving the blessing God intended for you – to someone else.

That’s almost regifting something that was and is priceless, authentic, personalized just for you. How is that fair for you? You is really I, who happens to be me. Something I had to give up was my weakness to guilt; allowing people that should care about me, take full advantage for self-perseverance purposes. Shaking my head in real life – how can a pure heart do that; It doesn’t. Giving isn’t always good nor healthy; decisions are purposeful. The same way I may be picky with my food or even my men; why not be this way about my whole life. This seem to be the best way to live if I don’t just want to exist. Can I get a witness If you agree! Been waiting for this moment, to be free like this in the “comfort” of my own home. Bunny ears because being home isn’t always comfortable – I mean can I be real right now huh?  Just wanting to put it all out there doesn’t feel like such a bad idea depending on the choice of conversation.

Topics would be the formal word for those that laugh at the face of my format. Not realizing it was a poker face or cover page – you understand? No? Ok – check it, I mostly talk how I write, and it’s somewhat professional with a splash of hoodlum ha-ha! ultimately I call it just being me. People still look at me like a circus act though, and it’s cool. The joke is on them when they see how business is really handled. Then the respect is abundant. I’ll be clear, may I add – I don’t force it, if you love it, great. If you don’t, there’s always doors to walk through. The same way you walked in, you can walk out.

unto me*

I am positioning my thoughts on paper, exploring my mind with help from my savior…

there’s a specific mentality I want to maintain, doing my best not to make the same mistakes again…

overwhelmed by the lack of faith, but doing above and beyond for my peace sake – no more, will I walk eggshells as if my life is at stake; the spiritual things I’m sensing will eventually take it’s rightful place…

labored breathing*

keep going, I say to myself – never with pride, I just know when I need help; I’ve grown tremendously in that area, because usually, I’d torcher myself into hysteria…

it’ll register soon – the history we’re living in has been so cruel; being able to adapt to certain circumstance – being damned if you do, or you don’t, is a vicious plan…

finding my place outside of this world’s boundaries, discovering solitude within myself is a true place to be; I’m enticed with a positive fin, giving my all by wisely making life choices I can contend…

soaring toward excellence*

…your beauty is immense, yet, you have a mind that makes no sense; be bold, and surely it’s worth will pour over your patience…

It’s a lot when you’re just not sure, I mean, I thought I knew me; that turned into a slammed door, I knew nothing innocently – never on purpose – although, who wouldn’t want to know themselves? All I am sure of, is that I am a servant  looking for ways to prevail…

back up*

there’s a weird sensation, that gets me thinking i’m in the twilight zone; the only sound I can comprehend is vibrations of a dial tone…

extremely anxious, I want to indulge without being dismissed; my conscious is trying to make sense of it. no one is more capable – I’m unpredictable, with every advantage to turn tables… I be damn if i’m given a weak title, there’s one of me, you and them; I’m determined to have any regrets, even when I’m pushed upon a fence… my soul only works for me, trying to duplicate it wouldn’t make any sense…

I am peculiar, and I feel it’s fair to say so from the pov of my own future…

precociousness*

The real examination in life, is living life before the expiration. Knowing that it is more than existing; using that very reason as inspiration. Looking for anything to be your muse; knowing when it’s just enough, and knowing when it’s being abused. Being a radiance of love, because anger shortens life-expectancy. Comprehending that a tart attitude in your days can take more energy. Settling is also a don’t; how would you know what you like if you reply is, ‘I won’t’?

Gathering information for a thorough investigation; because life is really hard, and death is an easy emancipation. It tickles me that the opposite is thought of; the way people complain you’d think dying was – to most – a spark plug. Meaning of excitement – I could never fathom not taking full advantage of living first until my purpose is fulfilled; I think of it now and it’s amazing. Really though, the true examination of life is honestly what you make it; given all you can before life is taken…. 

interlude

begging for better, writing an emotional letter – refraining from becoming sadder; aware of the thoughts that created the matter… but I am strong.

I believe i’ve held it in way too long, I’m not sure if I’m writing a poem or a song; all I know is, here, is where I belong… but I am also impulsive.

at least it’s acknowledged, I allow nothing to hold me bondage… but I must watch, and observe what I decide to seek, because everything wasn’t made for me…