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Journal Entry # 9

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as positive as I want to appear, sadness do sometimes reflect in the mirror…

Ki

sitting in hiding, wanting to be rescued and recovered; my heart has been hardened, because with revealing myself, who I am, still hasn’t been discovered.

it’s almost like I know of something unknown; I’m not neglecting the time that was put in, but in this I found that I am alone.

this isn’t bad; it’s a sign that things are temporary, and eventually will be in the past.

I’m realizing that I cannot expect someone to reflect the same actions I would; saving and finding me, was a lesson that never understood.

I didn’t allow it to hinder my way, I’m the one who regulate my space; as eager as I am to completely make it around the circle, i will continue to stay in my lane

Journal Entry #7*

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learning to separate the spirit from the emotion…

within myself is where peace truly live; especially, when you learn to forgive.

I am more pleased by my new behavior, it use to feel like failure …

I yearn to genuinely be humble; so, I stray from judgement – wouldn’t want my blessings to crumble…

it’s so much I want to do; being good at just one thing, has never been my mood!

Journal Entry #5 and 6

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No. 5

as I sit here and think, “why have these scenarios happened to me?”

Though, those questions seem to go unanswered, I still handle it with a positive manner.

confused in how handling this moment is right; should I keep entertaining or cut it down with a knife?

I’m so confident in most situations; then, for some reason I begin to run wild with my imagination…

No. 6

Appearing to belong, when my placement is wrong; Boy! Am I tired of this song!

opening up, releasing my fears, moving through the wind, allowing its strength to wipe away my tears – once again, another chapter is near…

balance is what I’m ultimately after, truly when people ask, its hard to explain the matter.

I am confident that things will soon get better.

Journal Entries # 3 and 4*

europaskiwi 2 Comments

although in my mind it’s feels like gibberish; please understand this is me figuring out who I am with a peculiar way of delivering it

3


spilling emotions into my work; easing my heart from the actual hurt

every day I try to make sense of what I am doing; conceiving the conquering of everything I am pursuing

on a journey to tranquility, even though life mostly has been on a mission to defeat me; I’m motionless to threats, I’d rather let my pen bleed

shaking up many hornet’s nests, my mind is as strong as my body, later, I’ll find time to rest

4

this is very therapeutic – watching Ricky and Morty – because it’s sincerely amusing

quoting my thoughts with intentions to reflect on my ways; in search of a better manner to behave

I’m fixing up my environment for succession; as well, I’ll reflect on where I need progression

motivation never felt so good – it’s all in the mannerism and physical face value; inspired by the options available to me; catching up to all that’s due; I should always be given the truth

S/o*

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following a melodic tone

feeling the sensitive flow of its moan

the vibrations of its falsetto rubs me all the right ways,

using music to explain what it is I’m trying to say

I’m a hopeless romantic

though, I do not fall vulnerable to misleading antics

the soothing sound of love pulls me into a trance

generating thoughts by talking through this dance

I’m spoiling myself with a few classics,

music to my ears, to me, is everlasting

skit*

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I find myself following up with the impossible; enduring bondage, making my argument plausible.

never should I allow my surroundings to distract me; I’m turning back to who I am suppose to be.

I’m elevating myself to reach my rightful crown; I have to continue to fly until my feet find solid ground.

searching for a better way to maneuver; my conclusions have to result as an improver…

Rendezvous *

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Churning the yolk of this relationship; 

Mentally spiraling about the whole bit 

Never felt so deeply about something – 

Grabbing ahold of a serious reality, 

That could be possible; patience is a vitality 

I don’t want this to be an “oh nothing” 

Im indulging too much I guess 

Getting to close; making me depressed 

Just a little only because this is the first time  

I’ve been impressed.. 

sore*

europaskiwi 2 Comments

The things I surrender myself to will not be this world no longer, literally had to have everything stripped away from me – Now look at me. Everything was taken away rigorously, the anguish of it all felt back to back; with no one to turn to, talk to, or run to but with the exception of the Lord! He’s who I’ve always needed, and I forgot that apparently. I start looking toward man to be the savior of my inequities, when I should’ve humbled myself and bowed down to the father.  

I am in that place now, just another lesson that needed to be learned for me to understand nothing can be done without him. That wisdom, or intuition you feel within your spirit isn’t just any voice, take the time to meditate to listen so you can hear the warning too and not just with your ears. Your consciousness and intuition and the [precious] gift of common sense, was given to us by the Lord to utilize for the best of ability to live life abundantly. These gifts are only useful or powerful when you allow him to order your steps in the decisions needed for yourself. 

It always seem like crazy talk until you have nothing left, it really feels crazy when you have nothing to give as well. A crimpling feeling I wish on no one honestly. I don’t care anymore about the things said about me, those words spoken about me in my face or behind my back will always come back on you tenfold! I’m covered by the blood, and that’s real.  

Precisely quoted by my one of my favorite singers, “God knows it, Your mind impure, soul I possess, he knows it, Anointed and protected, I was chosen…” 

An example of taking what I need and leaving what I don’t, everything was meant to be treated like such saying as though life should be treated like that with worldly things anyhow. Everything below heaven isn’t always right so why would I listen to every single thing said to me.  

As I go on about it as a matter of fact, it seem like I need to just make better choices on what I take and what I leave; the way I’m choosing could possibly be ass backwards ha-ha ah man! Now that’s a brain teaser!