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For Years

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the story

My cup of tea – it’s what I called him. Giving me everything, even things I didn’t need; this was a light that wasn’t dim!

He disguised himself as my world; behind the lights was a dark side. Taking my love, believing I’m his girl – the experience always come by surprise. All while seeing the signs.

This man though – he was a provider – Yet, the only thing he paid was his mind! It was getting tired.

I find myself paying in different ways; giving up lavish intimacy guessing it was ok, trust me – the answer wasn’t the sex! I always end up feeling regret… 

You can rock my world all you want, but for years,  You still say you can’t – when you won’t! I really grieved many tears!  

Portraying a certain man not realizing it at first; he was something almost like a chameleon; blending in and sneaking… this became an uneasy feeling   

All these years playing this game, thinking I wouldn’t put this up; like my life would bring him fame, sacrificing me, like I’m a naïve pup!

Confessing when he was caught; removing myself from my own domain, as if I didn’t realize the plot. Making a point that I will not be used in vain…

Moving forward, for years, it felt like a waste. Loyalty wasn’t even at the top of his tier. Yet, I learned a lot with haste   

This man I was loyal to, who behind closed doors –  Which became no news,  was treacherous! Making love become obstreperous – In other words, stubbornly defiant. Making his loyalty look as small as a penny to a giant.   

No longer being the man I seen as honorable and full of love, to a poisoned weed swelling of pain –  That bleed sorrow and thereof… 

a Two Part[er]*

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wondering what will come next; just the recognition and reward would feel best.

the satisfaction of making a name for me, would be very appreciating!

soon these markings will be a treasure; royalties gained by it, the weight will not be able to measure – not even a bit!

I’m getting tired, but I will not stop unless the reason is dyer.

keep going, I tell myself almost everyday! any other advice would be useless to say.

the level I am at, needs a continuous push to keep my drive!

only then will I move my encouragement to the next step to survive…

no Subjected reason*

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Bursts of thoughts, that never had intentions to be sought. It’s cute when you know what it is you need to do, when to submit and when to subdue, anyone or any issue. My mind is going and going, like the how the energizer bunny be rolling,

The intensity of my supposition is a rush of so many intensions. Good ones though, nothing resulting in malice,  but with love, care, and compassion. I can be so affectionate, people know that about me, especially if you’re my sweetie! Off subject, but just making a point, or example if you may,

I’m laying it down and just getting heavy today! I only want you to see what my vision is, it’s a beautiful sight, of things manifested through my strength and my might. Even though I’m in the storm, I have my umbrella and my trench coat to keep me warm. The Lord is my shield and protector, hence the outerwear for the weather. I don’t want to dig to deep down in there with my metaphors,

I’m ripping these band aids off even with the sores! Because what’s done is done, you’ve already been hit, there’s no point in it to run. I’m now fighting back, throwing this knowledge, no need for a gun. My intellect is my ammo, my thought process is the chamber, and my tongue is the trigger. I have no time to entertain foolishness, when I could be counting figures. The revenue I deserve, for all the hard work I do, because my purpose is to serve.

My heart is pure; always coming from a good space of energy, though, it can get dark when life sends mindless stupidity; that evolves into a test that I should’ve passed easily. Again, I’ll learn, same lesson, different scenario; I’m going take it all, apply it, and learn not to go there anymore and to let it go…. 

Forever Mine*

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The way we connect, has a kind of intellect that cannot be explained. The beauty is in a way, where our knowledge hasn’t been discovered yet – it’s still in the brain.  

Our closeness, can sometimes spring up certain emotions – we work through them – the way we reciprocate our likeness for each other, isn’t plenty in most men.  

There’s adventures that we find ourselves on; by the end of the day, we’re asking where the time gone!  

We look at each with bliss, and nothing to say.  

As a woman, I do get a bit demanding; I want for attention, and sometimes it’s hard to hide it – to make sure I’m not dating a phantom. I can get a little excited.  

Very involved in our future, as it is one; seeing that I’ve been planning on success since our partnership begun.  

Looking at the past different now; because separation has a different defined sound. Work is in progress- the same as ourselves- viewing lifestyle in a way of success; promoting myself through life never had any bounds.  

Just like every kind of relationship, it leaves certain prints on your heart; I wonder what ours will be, how will our blank canvas look once it’s made into art? 

to Fantasize*

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He loves to kiss on my neck  

Rubs me down with warm truth  

That makes us connect 

To an outer body experience, like a muse 

A spiritual muse, that makes moment like this  

Stop; time stopped for us, I don’t know what to do 

But the universe really stopped time  

Just for us to shine, this is very different very new 

Not sure what this mean; but if this is love 

I still wouldn’t know what to think  

usefulness*

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My purpose 

For this service 

Something I’ve termed with 

Scared to be this in public 

I sacrificed almost all the time 

When I’m alone; it still doesn’t feel right 

Somber days – with gratitude 

Is letting flesh feel, and my spirit 

Carry an attitude 

I am a servant  

But do servants, have servants 

Do we deserve service 

Am I capable of care… 

Has an unconditional contract – 

Been walking through the door 

Was this ever a trap 

I find this hard to ignore 

My grace 

It prepares me; to be forgiving 

I am in complete faith 

That these words will be receiving… 

Airing things Out*

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Writing narratives about my life 
And I look at others and think that 
They're dumb . 
All because every one's doing it, doesn't 
Make it fun. 
Stretching the thought of better, can make 
Things at ease in a way; just giving action 
Can be pleasing without having to say anything! 
Turned on by the waving ocean water over my 
Temple; making her pure again nurturing 
Warmth to the heart – smooth on the mental. 
Give the truth in the beginning, not clues leading to 
The circumstances. This is why people stray [worried, 
That this is what's going down] - without the true time, 
How can I express my sentiment? Falling in love with me, 
Is a beautiful thing. Tired of having to put things back 
Together; without complaining, I'm just learning  
hot to do this with a better strategy on how I deal with  
It. That's all I'm saying! i need a better blueprint 
on the way  
I help; so I can be a better servant.... 

Sobriquet*

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What a feeling that was..
The flutters started in my toes..
And then it floated above;
All negativity disappeared, God knows -
I'm so speechless about this connection,
So deep into my soul..
That I can see my own damn reflection
It's so gentle, smooth but bold, though..
I'm sure of what it could be; a Creature that is..
This being always get me; my T-shirt that is..
And I boil over, this isn't a small fizz;
I'm so eager to exploit the missing key -
To get to open that door and walk in,
Now that’s special to me...
Perfection is a must; no one's perfect though,
Unless it's trust.. That brings honesty and a clear mind
The truth will always be perfection with time

Frenchie-Like*

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Nom de plume

 just a saying to let you know how I will bloom

her name is Unicorn Kiwi

You guessed it!

You got to know that it’s me

Humbled I am; I am blessed

He chose me, knowing he had a choice in the rest

The Lord does it for every time

He’ll forgive you, then bless you

Even when flesh believes it’s a crime

Covered by the blood; I’m highly favored

Happy tears; someone give me a tissue

He made me, and I mean made me highly flavored

With the gift of a spirit nonidentical

That you can’t help but want to see how far I’ll go

With the many talents I have

That I get people saying I’m in the wrong field

I just talk myself away from it – gift of gab

I do believe my being shouldn’t be in this sort of standstill

The way I am and how I operate

Its simple mathematical – Ava Lovelace

I be moving so fast it feels like slow motion

In between I look for my banana boat to swim in my ocean

Off subject; let’s find something else to talk about – let’s deflect

Focus now, fuck the sex

Let me see that intellect

I’m a roll

Give me all the discernment

Allow myself to have control

So that I’ll maintain the right temperament